Oprah and the 30yr old virgins

Last week on Oprah, there were a few ladies over the age of 30 complaining they were still a virgin. At first thought, I am angry. When did being a virgin become a bad thing? Where have we come in society that single women are upset they have never had sex? What have we done to young women to make them even consider something is wrong with them if they haven't had sex at a certain age?

I found myself a bit annoyed at single women who believe they are defined by their sex life, or lack thereof. Now, let me go back. It is not normal for a PERSON over the age of thirty to be a virgin. Not because people should have sex just to get it over with but often we associate sex with being in love.

Thus, my concern changes regarding the women in this show. I am not concentrating on their lack of sex but their lack of love.

SIDE NOTE: I am not endorsing having sex with a person just because you love them. Sex SHOULD be within the confines of marriage.

When I am introduced to someone who has been on this earth for over twenty five years and have never fallen in love, I need to ask questions.

• What is your definition of love?
• What do you think love feels like?
• Have you ever been loved?
• When you think of falling in love with someone, what words come to mind first?
• When you hear the words I LOVE YOU, what do you think?
• Is love a weakness or a strength?
• Is it possible to love someone knowing 'falling in love' is not an option?

While the questions may seem irrelevant to why people haven't fallen in love, the answers provide great insight. A person who associates falling in love as a weakness will avoid even the thought of falling in love. They believe they are too strong, too secure, and too independent to be a follower or submitted to a man. People who have been in abusive relationships (including family) or seen abuse in their homes may associate love with pain. It is difficult for a person who has watched people who say they love each other hurt each other. After seeing so much negatively associated with love, it is easy to understand why falling in love is not high on their priority list...and why it is something they attempt to avoid.

So, as I watched this show, my heart went out to these ladies. Not because they had never had sex but because they had not experienced love to the extent they thought sex was something to look forward to. My heart goes out to them because they have an emotional block hindering their path to being loved, protected, held, and admired. In truth, the show is not about thirty-something virgins. The show is about overcoming past hurt on the path of healing that leads to loving oneself. Those women will not find love in sex. They will not find sex in love.

In truth, it is possible to find more hurt in sex than love. Now, because I am a woman, I can only speak from the point of view of women....and what I know spiritually. Women are receptors. Our bodies are created to receive entry from another. Once we have received, life does not continue as normal after the encounter. Our souls hold on to the spirit released upon/in us. Days, months, and years later, we will continue to have a part of our partner in us. The more partners we have, the more 'parts' are present in us. We must be careful who we allow IN our lives because their presence does not leave when they leave us. If we allow random parts IN us, our minds and body will become confused on which parts are supposed to be there and which are not. This is the reason we are designed to wait for marriage before sex. If we wait for marriage, our past parts will not have to compete with our present and forever part.

SIDE NOTE: There is a method of releasing unwanted parts. We will discuss in a future blog.

So, what did I learn from this show? Be who you are. Heal from your past hurts, pains, and disappointments. Never allow people to define or guide you in a path not meant for you to travel. And the biggest lesson: Never become a public comedy show while in private pain.