Randomness v1

Sometimes I wonder if people really care. I mean, go to any church. There can be thousands of people there or just a few. No matter the number, we all say we love God. We all say without Him we couldnt make it. Some of us church so much we have our own language. We say things like:

• slain
• abba
• shondo
• hiya
• mercibocuyeslord
• didnt our hearts just burn

Truthfully, I know heart burn and it's not a good thing.

Anyway, back to my original point. I often wonder if the people sitting beside me have a fear of  hell as I do. I fear hell. I am not afraid to say it. As much craziness as I do, say, and watch on TV, I fear hell. I wonder if the people sitting around me live their life with a good healthy fear of going to hell. I wonder if they consider the consequences of hell in their words and actions.

Lets break this down:

Every weekend millions of people go to church. Millions of people testify about the goodness of God. Millions of people take communion. Millions have Mass. Millions pray Hail Mary. Thousands run up and down the aisle praising God for His goodness. Millions pray for God to move in their lives, families, workplaces, and even the world. I mean MILLIONS each and every weekend.

Yet. When I turn on the television, computer, and even the radio, what I hear and see does not line up with our weekend activities. I mean. Well. Let me say this. If anyone is offended by this I truly don't care. These are my thoughts. Now. This is what I don't get. How can a person partake in such spiritual and anointed weekend activities, pray, praise, believe, ask, receive, etc and then take no shame in sin? Now, some may ask 'what is sin'. I believe sin is anything that 'could' separate us from God. Not the love of God. But God. God will love us in spite of our situations but He does not love what we DO.

I dont get how a person can on one day sing the praises of God. Scream hallelujah and praise the Lord and then turn around and cuss like they never knew right from wrong. How does that happen? Does it happen because there is no real fear of God?

Okay, let me try another one. How can we do our weekend activities and have routine sex with a person we are not married to?

No, what about this one... How can we do our weekend activities and constantly backstab the people around us?

I mean, I am just thinking to myself....I laugh a lot. I say funny stuff. In all I do, it is NEVER my desire to hurt another person. It is never my desire to live in a way to discourage another. It is never my desire to see the kingdom suffer. I make mistakes. I don't study my bible as much as I should. I procrastinate about so much. I know I watch too much television and truly am on the internet too much. These are the things I am yet battling. We all have battles and we all have troubles and struggles. But my question is..when is it too much? When do our struggles and battles become to great they start to identify us? What separates us from the world? I mean, if someone needed prayer, can they look our our lifestyle and believe we are a person who believe and practice our belief and trust in God?

My heart hurts for God's people. I truly do not believe God ask for much from us. He wants us to love each other and love Him. He wants us to live holy and separate from sin. Why do we struggle with this so much when we know the consequences?

Philippians 2:12 says Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,

This indicates it takes work for us to live holy. Just as with a job, we dont get it right unless we practice it. If we only go to church as a routine or tradition, but do not use it as a manual or guide for our life, what are we really living? Well. I will keep posting until He gives me some direction...to do otherwise...or some answers...

Just thoughts..

I see you.

When I see you I hurt. Not because you are ugly to me but because you are ugly to yourself. I hurt because your heart hurts. Not because it is diseased but because you welcomed people into the sacredness of your heart and they didn't cherish their presence there. I hurt because your eyes are tired. Not from enjoying a full day of laughs but from suffering through a full night of ridicule and judgement. I hurt because your muscles are tight and pained. Not from a great workout but from stress, tension, and yes, even a hit or two. Yes, I see beyond the forced smile. I see beyond the lies about your great weekend. I see beyond the excuses of you being too busy to enjoy a girls night out. I see beyond this mental escape you have created for yourself. I see beyond you. Stop. Take a moment and see what I see. See you walking into a place of peace. See your home being your sanctuary, not your prison. See your eyes being filled with tears because of the overwhelming amount of love cast in your direction, not because of the overwhelming desire to please someone not interested in being pleased by you. See your body being relaxed enough to curl up on the couch to enjoy a program you want to see, not tense from sitting through yet another episode of something you don't understand.

Look in my mirror. Look at what the world sees. Look at what your children see. Look at what your students, cousins, and yes, even your parents see. The mirror is speaking back to you today. What is this mirror saying? Listen for it. Don't run away because it is painful. Pain got you to this point and yes, pain will give you the strength to get out. You need to hear this. Are you ready? Take a deep breath. Here we go. Here the mirror speak these words to you..

You are beautiful. You are worthy to be loved, cared for, and respected. You are beautifully made. Every hair on your head was created by a wonderful Creator who loves you and desires nothing more than for you to be happy. You are strong. You are a survivor. You are independent. You can make it. You are able. You are loved. You are ENOUGH.

The mirror will continue speaking love into your life as long as you are willing to listen. The decision is yours. Will you trust yourself? Will you believe in yourself?

We are waiting for you.

Lessons from below

Can you imagine being stuck in a place for 69 days? Not knowing when you were going to be freed? Not knowing if the technology would work in time? Can you imagine having to depend on strangers for your every breath? Imagine being in this dungeon with your co-workers? You may or may not even like them. Of course, this is a small portion of the story of the miners in Chile.

Time line of the callapse (with thoughts to ponder):

• August 5th- mine collapse
• August 8th - works start digging holes trying to find the miners
• Imagine being in such a dark place in your life people don't even know how to reach you.
• August 22nd - rescue workers hear tapping below
• Over 2 weeks after the mine collapsed, the miners hear their first signs of rescue. Would you have given up? Would you have even been listening for the sign of life?
• August 23rd - workers send down food. Miners are told it could be months before they are brought up.
• How do you respond when you are in a dark place and your earliest breakthrough is months away? How do you decide on who is going to eat? How do you keep smiling and having faith when there is nothing between you and the rock? What happens when you realize your hardplace is the rock?
• September 17th - the drill reaches the miners
• Can you be still knowing God is making a way for you? Can you trust God when you can't see His method of escape? What if you are the one making the rescue? How do you keep your hope and faith alive knowing there are 33 people and thousands of family members depending on you? How do you continue the slow pace that you know works and not cut corners to speed up the process? Can you keep working for someone elses deliverance even when you are tired, hungry, hurting, and seeing no results?
• October 9th - the escape shaft is complete
• What happens when you finally see your means of escape but realize there is still work to do? What happens when you can see, smell, and hear the voices of life but yet, they are still so far away?
• October 12-13th - miners are brought to safety
• What do you say to people who have spent millions for you to survive? What do you say to the one responsible for your captivity? Can you forgive? Do you hold a evil thoughts? What do you say to your family who have stopped their lives awaiting your return from below?
• October 13th - the rescue workers are brought to safety
• How does it feel knowing all the work you've done to help someone else live will bring them glory, but people may never know your name? What demeanor must you have when you arrive back to life above ground and the flags are no longer waving welcoming you?

The answers to these questions reveal the good, bad, and ugly of who we are. But overall, what is the lesson? How do we apply a situation that happened across the world to our personal situation?

LESSONS:

• Never give up on yourself.
• Never give up on God.
• When darkness is surrounding you, trust God for your deliverance.
• When you escape your bondage, leave bitterness, regret, and blame behind.
• When you are helping someone else try to find their way back to light and life, be patient.
• When one method of escape doesn't work, don't lose heart, try another method.
• It's okay for people to never know your name. God knows your name and your heart.
• Share the lessons of your experience with others. What you know may help another avoid a collapse in their life.

BIGGEST LESSON: Your bondage doesn't have to be a collapsed mine. It can be a collapsed job, relationship, loan, health, or even decision making. DIG YOUR WAY BACK TO THE LIGHT!

Oprah and the 30yr old virgins

Last week on Oprah, there were a few ladies over the age of 30 complaining they were still a virgin. At first thought, I am angry. When did being a virgin become a bad thing? Where have we come in society that single women are upset they have never had sex? What have we done to young women to make them even consider something is wrong with them if they haven't had sex at a certain age?

I found myself a bit annoyed at single women who believe they are defined by their sex life, or lack thereof. Now, let me go back. It is not normal for a PERSON over the age of thirty to be a virgin. Not because people should have sex just to get it over with but often we associate sex with being in love.

Thus, my concern changes regarding the women in this show. I am not concentrating on their lack of sex but their lack of love.

SIDE NOTE: I am not endorsing having sex with a person just because you love them. Sex SHOULD be within the confines of marriage.

When I am introduced to someone who has been on this earth for over twenty five years and have never fallen in love, I need to ask questions.

• What is your definition of love?
• What do you think love feels like?
• Have you ever been loved?
• When you think of falling in love with someone, what words come to mind first?
• When you hear the words I LOVE YOU, what do you think?
• Is love a weakness or a strength?
• Is it possible to love someone knowing 'falling in love' is not an option?

While the questions may seem irrelevant to why people haven't fallen in love, the answers provide great insight. A person who associates falling in love as a weakness will avoid even the thought of falling in love. They believe they are too strong, too secure, and too independent to be a follower or submitted to a man. People who have been in abusive relationships (including family) or seen abuse in their homes may associate love with pain. It is difficult for a person who has watched people who say they love each other hurt each other. After seeing so much negatively associated with love, it is easy to understand why falling in love is not high on their priority list...and why it is something they attempt to avoid.

So, as I watched this show, my heart went out to these ladies. Not because they had never had sex but because they had not experienced love to the extent they thought sex was something to look forward to. My heart goes out to them because they have an emotional block hindering their path to being loved, protected, held, and admired. In truth, the show is not about thirty-something virgins. The show is about overcoming past hurt on the path of healing that leads to loving oneself. Those women will not find love in sex. They will not find sex in love.

In truth, it is possible to find more hurt in sex than love. Now, because I am a woman, I can only speak from the point of view of women....and what I know spiritually. Women are receptors. Our bodies are created to receive entry from another. Once we have received, life does not continue as normal after the encounter. Our souls hold on to the spirit released upon/in us. Days, months, and years later, we will continue to have a part of our partner in us. The more partners we have, the more 'parts' are present in us. We must be careful who we allow IN our lives because their presence does not leave when they leave us. If we allow random parts IN us, our minds and body will become confused on which parts are supposed to be there and which are not. This is the reason we are designed to wait for marriage before sex. If we wait for marriage, our past parts will not have to compete with our present and forever part.

SIDE NOTE: There is a method of releasing unwanted parts. We will discuss in a future blog.

So, what did I learn from this show? Be who you are. Heal from your past hurts, pains, and disappointments. Never allow people to define or guide you in a path not meant for you to travel. And the biggest lesson: Never become a public comedy show while in private pain.

What are you appraised for?

I often read posts and blogs of women discussing their failed relationships. They are often upset a man has 'used' them and 'left' them. They lament of their loss. They consider list all they gave and cry about they did not receive. No matter the situation, their stories are often the same. Cookie-cutter. Classic. Repeated. Familiar.

Rarely have I seen such a post from men. Yes, I have heard stories of such post and stories. I have even had a few guys call to discuss their woes. Even in their pain, there is still a woman's story hidden beneath the layers.

At the core of these situations, I have found one thing to be true.

Lesson: Men know their value. Woman are waiting to be appraised.

Practice quiz: Locate a successful man. He does not have to be making a certain amount or living a certain way; however, he must be employed, mentally stable, good family relationships, and has a good circle of liked-minded friends. When you find this man ask him one question: When was the last time you lowered your standards for a woman?

The majority of men will scuff at such a comment. It is because men understand how to hold, play and deal the cards in their relationship. They know what they have and how to use what they have to get what they want. They understand their power. They understand what is inside of them. They also understand in order to obtain a similar equally yoked specimen of the opposite sex, they must show themselves valuable.

Some women, on the other hand, allow ourselves to be defined by someone else. We change our language, way of life, the foods we eat, the places we go, the people we are around, and even our character to match that of a man. We allow ourselves to be objectified, used, and even abused to avoid being alone. As if the presence of a male in our home increases our appraised value. Our value increases when we are in relationships and just as a car when it leaves the dealership, a used sign is displayed when new ownership takes over.

What can we learn from this?

Never let anyone determine your value. Know your value and it will change your company.

Disclaimer before asking for my donation

Before you ask me to give you money for anything, please read this entire blog.
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During the month of September, I worked diligently to raise money for an AIDS Walk that benefited an organization where I serve as a Board Member. AIDS is more than the cause-of-the-month for me. It is a diseased that has shaped my life. Around 1992-1993 my cousin, Wayne Taylor, told me he was positive. At the time, there was not much information about AIDS and HIV other than it was a death sentence. I have always had crazy faith and never gave into grief. I suffered emotionally when he died.

Lesson: I refuse to say a part of me died. I do not believe a part of a person can die while another part lives. Yes, we suffer but we continue to live. (revelation!)

So, when it is time for the AIDS Walk, I am very intent in ensuring I support this cause with donations, time, and support. I understand the trials and challenges of AIDS patients in getting treatment, medications, and adequate housing. Did you know landlords have evicted AIDS patients because they fear they will leave AIDS in the home after they are gone? Yes, unbelievable. Did you know most AIDS drugs cost $250 a month (on the low end) and up to $3,000? Imagine living with a disease that can cause you to be able to run a mile one day and not move the next. How can a person keep such a job. It is very difficult and many find themselves living on public assistance due to not being able to maintain attendance at a job.

SN: Wayne received his disability approval papers the day he died.

I understand the money raised during the AIDS Walk is imperative in providing for patients not able to provide for themselves. Unfortunately, many people do not place AIDS as high on the scale of noteworthy causes such as cancer and abuse. When it is time for the Komen Race for a Cure, thousands show up to donate money, put on their pink, and walk to show their support. When it time for the AIDS Walk, we pray a few hundred show up.

This year, not only did our team raise the most money (which wasn't much), I also gained a new revelation.

I give to many many causes each year. If anyone brings a good cause to my desk, I write a check or give what I have. If a kid is selling popcorn for new band uniforms, I support with a donation. If someone is raising money for their church choirs, I write a check. There are very few causes I do not support. A good portion of my income is used for donations throughout the country; however, when I went to these same people soliciting support for my AIDS Walk team, I left empty handed. Why did this happen? What do they feel it is okay to beg me for money each month/year but not feel a need to return the 'favor/donation'?

I heard many reasons:

• I have to pay child care
• I have a mortgage
• My car payment is due
• My light bill is huge this month
• I don't have AIDS (yes, someone told me that)
• I don't support gay people and their lifestyles (I was unaware AIDS only affected gay people)

Guess what? We all have bills and other obligations. I am sure I had a mortgage, car and electricity bill when I gave to their cause. So, in lieu of complaining about them not giving, I decided to do something about it.

My declaration: I will support those who support me. I am not buying cookies, popcorn, gift wrap paper, magazines, etc to your kids, church, sorority, etc if you do not support me and my causes. In order to receive you must give.

Lesson: Learn and grow. Give and receive.

It's been a while

Part of my 2010 goals were to blog at least once a week. So far, I only have 13 blogs here; however, I do have several on Facebook during American Idol that should make up for some lost time. But I do want to make good on my goal. I have 13 blogs here and by the end of this year, I will ensure I have at least 52. How will I get this accomplished? Happy you asked. I will blog almost everyday, if not more. There has been a lot going on in the news and I need to comment. While twitter and facebook to allow such forum for my antics, there is a word count limitation.

So, this starts the journey into my thoughts. I must warn you. Yes, I have a lot of titles. I am a wife, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, project leader and even an ordained elder. With all those titles, I am still me. Uncensored, unfiltered and at times, almost judgemental. My goal is never to hurt anyone's feelings. I only encourage readers to think for themselves.

If you feel the need to comment, please do. Most of the post will be for my benefit only. It's better to get the thoughts out of my brain so I can have room for more.

Enjoy the ride. It's sure to be bumpy.